Let me backtrack for a bit:
2016 was my quote unquote perfect year. Here is the caption of my
year-ender post on Instagram.
2016 has been a great year for me. The first month might have been a setback, but the succeeding months were indeed a blast. This is the year when I've achieved a lot of things -earning my college degree, actually enjoying my first ever job, passing the board exan, meeting a bunch of amazing people (workmates and my students💕),being able to go to different places, becoming a more optimistic person, forgiving myself and giving myself a chance to become a better person than I was before, and a whole lot more. This will surely be the year that I will always remember, or should I say, a year that I will never, ever forget. Looking forward to more adventures in 2017!🎉💕
2017, on the other hand, started as if it's the end of the world.
Here. ☺
2017 is the year in which I thought I have lost a lot of people, things, and even myself. I almost hit the rockbottom. A lot of people didn’t understand me. Little did they know, I didn’t understand myself, too. I hated myself. I woke up every day interrogating myself with questions like “what the hell is wrong with you?” "what were you thinking?" "were you even thinking?" and other self-loathing questions. I was disappointed of what I have become and what I am becoming. It was almost half of the year and I still haven’t achieved anything but rejections, disappointments, and loss (both treasured friends and a lot of things - the same people and things I was oh so glad to have gained last year) To those people I've lost, please know that I'm really sorry for hurting you when I was hurting.
I woke up one day with the thought that it was not the life I wanted. So instead of asking myself those questions, I started to work on each. I listed all the good things and the bad things that were happening. I thanked God for all the things I was able to list on the "good things" and then started to improve on each "bad thing" on the list. I started to stand up. I started to pick myself up. No one else would, anyway. I forgave myself (trust me, it was difficult). I accepted the truth that not everyone and everything gets to stay in your life no matter how much you love them.
2017 is the year in which I thought I have lost a lot of people, things, and even myself, or so I thought. If anything, 2017 is the year in which I have actually gained a lot for myself: courage, perseverance, patience, hope, faith, and love. I still deeply treasure the people I've lost (to whom my doors are not closed for reconnection), but I am actually really grateful for the people I've gained this year: My co-teachers who challenge me to become a better version of myself, my 79 fourth graders who are indeed a bunch of patience-testers (hehe) but whom I really love, the love of my life who has been literally there for me since day 1 (I won't get cheesy here, though), and those friends who still stayed (there's only few but I'm still thankful).
2018 is a whole different story. I didn't have a year-ender post and I don't know and remember why, but if I were to describe it in one word, it would be:
CHANGE. It was a year of transition where I have to make use of everything I had learned for the past years. I had to bid farewell to the very few people I trust and love, to face another phase of my life. It's been good, which leads me to 2019
—the year of excitement.
This year has been so exciting. There was always a lot to look forward to for each month. Of course, I wasn't able to keep track of every little thing, so here are the highlights of the year so far.
January - I started the year setting up AllAboutLiu. However, I changed it into TokkiStudio after a few days. I will discuss more about this in another post. ♥
February - The company I am working at is finally starting to grow. Unlike last year, I've become busier. I started to learn more things, which are not related to my bachelor's degree.
March - After so many years of admiring Lee Sungmin, I finally got to talk to him! It was really a dream come true. I also got to go to different tourist spots in Dubai, thanks to my mom's guests. ♥
April - Big thanks to all the participants, #ShantokkiBirthdayProject was a huge success! It was also Gerole's birth month and we got to celebrate it happily despite time limitations.
May - Ramadan = shortened work timings!
June - I have to admit, this has got to be the best birthday I have ever had, huge thanks to Gerole! This will be discussed in another post. ♥
July - still ongoing! xD
Right now, I am truly grateful for everything
—the good and the bad, that has happened this year. Unlike the past two years, I can finally say this time that I have improved when it comes to controlling my thoughts. Of course, I still overthink
—a lot, I still have negative thoughts, but I always make sure to see the good in everything, to look at the brighter side, and to choose being thankful rather than complaining. The past still haunts me every night, though.
Hopefully, I can maintain this blog this time. ♥
